Child From Hell
by NilaSagol
Summary: Mello and Matt are assigned to a child that they've adopted for 5 months. They thought it wasn't going to be so bad until the child they picked was Eric Cartman. Mello and Matt will be pushed to the limits as parents, can they handle Cartman and some hell
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is a South Park/Death Note crossover. I don't know if anyone has tried something like this but the idea came to me after watching a South Park episode. I'm not sure if I'll continue it but I'll watch and see how it does then I'll continue.**

**Anyway, enjoy the story. D!****

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**Chapter 1- "Decision"**

Matt was playing video games as usual, trying to beat level 20 one game and beat another game that he already had beaten. Mello opened the door as Matt looked up.

Something was bothering him.

"What's wrong with you?" Matt laughed to himself, "You look like a mistake was made."

"Well, I did get myself into a mess." Replied the Mafia leader, there was a pause in his sentence, "...We're getting a kid."

"Mello, we can't manage some brat. What if the kid breaks something? My games aren't safe then."

Mello sighed, "We're getting one, so things have to change around here."

Matt looked at him, "I'm putting my games in a safe. If it's anything I've learned with kids, they can ruin everything and make your life worse."

"Well, I went to the adoption center. They're having a problem with one kid and I bragged about how tough I am and I decided to take the kid on."

"Ohhh, I can just see the disasters now." Matt signed, "Mello, are you sure can handle something like this? Does the boss know?"

"Not yet." Mello snapped his chocolate bar, he sat down at his table and looked at the list he would need for his new kid, "We're keeping him for five months and if he straightens out then we can send him home."

"Wow. 5 months? You know that you're going to be pushed to your limits, right?"

"What makes it so different is that, I'm a Mafia leader. The kid better be ready for what Mello's going to give him."

Matt laughed, he looked out the window, "So, when's the brat coming to destroy the house?"

"In a week or maybe I can get him today. First they need to see how we are with him one on one. Then we have to fill all the papers and crap."

"I hope you know what you're doing because if this goes wrong, we all suffer."

Mello laughed, he thought he could scare the kid if he acted up or if he decided to get physical, he would lock him in his room. He laughed again thinking that it would be so easy to manage but he had no_** IDEA**_ how bad this kid could be. Especially when it came to manipulating people, being prejudice, and getting what he wanted.

"What's the kid's name, Mello?" asked Matt, "..."

"Eric. Eric Cartman but he likes to go by Cartman." replied Mello, "I checked his records and Cartman makes bad look worse than a nightmare."

"Ohh man, Mello. I can hear you swearing now."

"Matt, relax. How bad can one kid be? He'll straighten out, he's in company of the mafia." Mello laughed some more as he bit his chocolate, "He won't wine, he won't curse, and he certainly steal."

_'What mess are we even facing?'_ thought Matt, _'Something tells me that hell is coming for us all.'_

"I'm going to tell the boss what's happening." Mello closed the door and Matt pressed his ear against the door and listened to the conversation. At first everyone wasn't happy about what was going on then Mello began convincing them that it was ok. They all agreed.

Mello opened the door as Matt went back to his video games, "So, I'm guessing you all said yes to having a brat, huh?" Matt took out a cigarette and began to smoke, "If this goes wrong, you know that we can blame you, right?"

"Matt. Stop worrying so much. I'm going to see him today."

"I'll come, I want to see how bad he really is."

_**X X X X X**_

The bell began ringing as the children ran in as the adoption agency agents eyed Mello in fear. Cartman was probably **_THE_**, and they really meant what they said; that he _**WAS **_the worse kid they ever dealt with in ten years. Cartman never played well with other children, he cursed his mom out, he cursed out the agency, the list could go on.

Mello signed in as he eyed out the place and looked at the receptionist who eyed Cartman, "We've had so many problems with that child. Many parents cancled their ownership right on the spot."

"He's going to have to toughen up where he's going." Mello laughed, "So his name's Eric? I'm sure I can straighten him out."

"I hope you can. The child is the devil himself. He's been through nannies, programs, consulers, all of the services."

Matt came in as he played with his portable PSP. Mello looked back as Matt looked at Cartman running around and hitting other kids.

"That's our kid?" asked Matt, as he took out a cigarette, "He spells ruiner all over, Mello I don't think we can handle a high maintenance kid like this."

"Matt, come on. We're taking him today." Mello still thought he could Cartman, he didn't know how wrong he was, "What's the worse he can do?"

The agent walked in as she had Matt and Mello walk in an observation room with Cartman as the two stared at him. Cartman began to laugh uncontrollably as he pointed at Mello.

Mello looked at Matt in puzzlement.

"Oh my god! You're Mello and Matt, right?! One looks like a transsexual and one looks like a...Hobo!"

"Excuse me?" Mello's tone changed, "You think...You thought I was...a freaking girl?!

Cartman laughed harder as Matt shook his head. Cartman kept pointing and laughing as Matt rolled his eyes. Mello and Matt found out Cartman was already rude.

Mello looked at Cartman who couldn't suppress his laughter, "Cartman!! I'm a guy! I've never dressed like a girl, alright?! How could you make that mistake?"

"Right, sure Mello. Or, should I say Mella!" Cartman continued to laugh as he fell out of his chair, "No, Mellianna the transsexual!"

Matt looked at himself as he eyed Mello, "Do I really look like some hobo? Mello, is that true?"

"Mello is...a Mafia leader!" Mello got in Cartman's face, "So, I don't like how you just badly insulted me! You're with me now and that attitude better change!"

Cartman still continued to laugh, "Mafia? You don't look like you're in it! Aw man!" Tears came to Cartman's eyes as he continued to laugh, "Mello, You're so funny. All these lies!"

Matt shook his head, "What are we going to do about his behavior? This won't slide with everyone else."

Cartman looked closely at Mello and Matt who went to the side to talk things over. Cartman threw a ball at them and continued to throw more balls until Cartman noticed Mello's gun on his pocket.

"Oh, that's so cool!" Cartman replied as held Mello's gun, "A gun? Hella cool! You're actually in the Mafia!"

Mello smiled, "I'm actually the leader of my gang."

Cartman paused as he looked at his two parents, "Hold on a minute!! Are you guys what I think you are...? If Mello's a...then is Matt his...?"

_'Oh, great he's questioning if Matt and I were in a relationship? If I answer no, he's going to think I'm lying.'_Mello looked at Cartman.

Matt answered angrily, "First of all, Mello is a guy! Second of all, We're best friends! I can't believe you'd do that!"

"Well, it's obvious, how can I have two daddies? It only make sense."

Mello got back in Cartman's face as he glared, "Look here, Cartman! I'm straight, Matt is straight and you need to stop acting like that! We're taking you on!"

"What?!" Cartman banged on the screen, "You're meaning to tell me that I'm going home with these transgendered hobo living people?! Goddamn it, what's wrong with you people?! You're all bitches!"

Matt sighed as he took Mello aside, "Mello, I wouldn't take him. Let's take that those twins over there."

"Oh no, not after the way that brat insulted me! We're taking him and I'm going to staigten him out if it's the last thing I do!"

"Mello, I'm really warning you. You're going to have high blood pressure."

Cartman grabbed a toy train and slapped it against Mello's leg as he screamed out. Matt tried to control Cartman as he grabbed him but Cartman grabbed his PSP and slammed it all over the floor until it broke. Matt ran over to his broken game and glared at Cartman.

"You damn...devil! You fucking broke my game, do you know how much it costs?!"

Mello and Matt were guided out by the agent as they closed the doors, "I'm terribly sorry, Cartman is in one of his fits so you'll have to come back some other time."

Mello bit into some chocolate, "How soon can we have him? I'll sign for him today."

"WHAT?!"yelled Matt, he couldn't believe it. "Damn it, Mello I..."

"Look, I'm sure I have the money to get your game fixed. It's not that bad."

"Damn it, the kid's a ruiner, I knew it!" Matt calmed down as he glared at Mello, "You better keep that nasty kid away from games, I'm serious!"

The agency worker shakily put the consent forms near Mello as Mello and Matt signatured everything about care for Cartman, regulations, and all the other fun stuff. They were down to their sixth paper as they signatured the last bit of information and the deal was done.

Cartman was now their problem.

The agency worker looked up, "Are you sure this what you truly want? You can always cancel and I insist you cancel. Please, don't make him you're problem. We'll give him to someone else."

"No, thanks anyway. I'm sure my partner and I will handle it." Mello smiled as he watched Cartman pack of his things as a kid yelled, _"Fatso!"_

Cartman exploded and jumped onto the kid as he began hitting his head against the table, "I'm big boned, you freaking jerk! When will you learn you freaking idiot?!"

The aides ran in as they pulled Cartman apart as he yelled and screwed. They placed him in Mello's arms as Matt and Mello walked out of the agency. Mello strapped Cartman into the backseat as Cartman began swearing at Mello.

"The damn seatbelt doesn't fit! You can do anything right, Mella!"

"It's Mello and stop calling me a trans, you fat piece of donut lard!"

"If I hear, one more fat joke out of you Mella..." Cartman began, "I'll break something of yours!"

Mello slammed the door as he went to go start up his car. Cartman glared at his new parents, "I hate you Mello, I hate you Matt. I don't what sick things await me at your house and I hope you have chicken pot pie!"

"We hate you too." they both replied.

"Great, we all love each other. I bet you two are going to make out!" Cartman replied, he stopped for a minute as he watched the trees and the scenery go by. He looked at Mello and Matt who were talking about things.

For once in his life, Cartman felt like he had a father, in fact he had two. He always wanted a father, there was always a gap between him and his friends. They all had fathers and Cartman only had his mom, he smiled happily as he looked out the window.

"Ey, Mello!"

"What?"

"So are you getting an operation anytime soon?"

"Not this again, I'm not get an operation! I'm not changing _anything_!"

"It's okay, Mello. You can come out your closet, I'm sure Matt will support you _all the way._"

Mello and Matt sighed, they were just on level one of parenting.

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**_That's Chapter 1, Please R&R. Comments and Questions are always accepted._**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2- "No!"**

Kyle, Stan, and Kenny noticed something different. Cartman wasn't at the bus stop. They looked around thinking that Cartman was late and they waited and waited.

"Dude, I think Cartman got sent somewhere." replied Kenny, "Cartman's mom had a breakdown."

"Oh my god, Kenny. When did this happen?" asked Stan, "We haven't seen him in weeks."

"Yeah, it's been good...er quiet without him." Kyle replied, "Gee, Where is he?"

"It happened 3 weeks ago." Kenny began, "Cartman's mom went somewhere with him."

"Well, it was bound to happen. He was acting way worse than usual." Stan replied, "They probably placed him in foster care."

"Yes! Yes! YES!" Kyle celebrated as he danced around and jumped around, "Cartman's gone! Cartman's gone!"

"Dude..." Stan replied, "This is serious, why are you so happy?"

"Oh my god Stan! He broke your Wii that you got for your birthday, he messed up my room, and he stole about half of Kenny's allowance! It's great he--"

"No it's not!" Kenny growled, "He's my best friend, he has problems!"

"Kenny, don't you see? We get a break from him, why are you so burnt out over it?" Kyle couldn't believe Kenny was upset, "Kenny."

"...Cartman has been having problems." Kenny began, "He kept telling me how lonely he is."

"Kenny, stop making stuff up." Stan replied, "What the hell is wrong with you? I'll never forgive him for breaking my Wii!"

"He doesn't have a person to call "Dad" Kenny paused, he looked at Stan and Kyle, "That's his problem and his mom is so busy now."

"Well, he deserves it!" Kyle spat, "Kenny, he's always doing you wrong and everyone else wrong!"

"He's my best friend, he always listens to me!" Kenny glared, "I know he hasn't been right but it's wrong that we haven't checked on him!"

"Kenny, wait." Kyle began running after Kenny as Kenny pushed him away, "Kenny! I didn't mean it!"

Kenny looked back, "He may never come back! Look how bad is, he may be in foster care forever!"

Kenny walked away as he kicked a can and continued walking home. Kyle and Stan looked at each other and just shrugged. They grabbed a ball and began passing it to each other.

"I'm worried about Kenny." Stan replied, "I've never seen him this pissed before."

"Oh, it's only been a couple of weeks. He'll get over it." Kyle smiled as Stan gave him a doubtful look, "He'll get over it, I swear."

"Well, he's taking it personally. Wait, he's coming back."

Stan and Kyle saw Kenny coming back as he handed them a piece of paper with Cartman's cellphone number then he walked away. Kyle and Stan ran into Stan's house and dialed Cartman's number hoping they'd get him.

Matt picked up the phone as he put cigarette in his mouth.

"_This is Matt."_Matt replied as he played with his new PSP. "_Who is this?"_

"Uh, this is Stan and Kyle. We're Cartman's friends." Stan replied, "Are you Cartman's new Dad?"

_"Yeah, he has two. My partner Mello is his other father."_ Matt explained, _"I didn't know he had friends. I thought he didn't have any."_

"Um, I hate to ask this question. Are you and Mello--"

_"NO! Jesus Christ, why does everybody ask that?! What, would it make you feel better if me and Mello hooked up?! We're best friends, get it right!"_

"Oh sorry..." Stan looked at Kyle who seemed a little afraid of Matt, "Anyway, we called you to check on Cartman and to warn you to...give him up."

_"Well, it's too late."_ Matt sighed, _"We've adopted him and we have 5 months and if he screws up then he's back in foster care."_

"Oh my god! I'm warning you, you haven't seen how bad it is yet." Kyle replied, "Take him back before you go insane."

"_Look, he's grounded and my partner is good at dealing with hard people like him. We aren't giving up yet."_

Kyle looked at Stan and continued talking, "I really think your mental health is in jeopardy, take him back."

Matt shook his head as he handed Mello the phone. He looked at Mello, "His friends are calling him, maybe he can be out of the room just this once."

Mello growled, there was no way he'd let him out after the incident, "Matt! Do you want this to turn into a smack down again? He almost gave you a black eye and bruised up my arms and sides. That damn kid!"

"His friends say we shouldn't have him anymore."

"Screw his friends, we're seeing this to the end! If I go crazy then all the better!" Mello opened the door as Cartman ran out, "You have ten minutes...Starting now!"

"God Mella. You're such a drama queen." Mello slapped Cartman on his arm as he began to fight again, "Stop it! Damn, why are you being so hard?"

"Because you fired my gun off after I gave you specific orders not to touch my gun!" Mello growled and slammed the door, "Someone could've had an accident, you better start shaping up, Cartman!"

Cartman glared as he picked up the phone, "Hello?! This isn't Kyle, is it?!"

"Cartman, it is and we decided to call because Kenny is pissed." Kyle couldn't refrain from laughing, "So, how's life treating you with Matt and Mello?"

"It's hella cool and kickass!" Cartman yelled, "Mello is a Mafia leader and Matt is so cool."

"What?! You're living with a bunch of thugs? Damn it, Cartman!" Kyle yelled, "You're probably neglected!"

"No, Mello is so cool. He cooks me chicken pot pie whenever I want and Matt always has games for me to play." Cartman paused, "We're going on a cruise to Florida in two weeks!"

"FLORIDA?!" Kyle couldn't help but be jealous, "Man, I've never been on a cruise..."

Stan grabbed the phone, "Cartman, they aren't supposed to care about you. Mello and Matt are thugs!"

"Well, they do. Mello punishes me, Matt tries to make sure everything's okay, they work together to care for me."

Kyle and Stan both looked at each other and were in shock. Cartman was actually having a good time with his new parents, he was doing so many things Kyle and Stan wished they could do. Kyle grabbed the phone as Stan set it aside.

"Dude, he's got to be lying. He can't be living that good. " Stan looked at Kyle again, "Don't you think he is?"

"I don't know, dude. If Cartman is bragging then he must be fine."

"How could it be, I thought thugs were heartless."

"I guess not these two, Mello sounds gentle for a Mafia leader." Kyle grabbed the phone as Cartman began to mad because he was down to two minutes left.

"Goddamn it! You guys wasted so much time and Mello's going to take the phone away!" Cartman began to get angry, "Hurry up, I don't have much time left!"

"Anyway..." began Kyle, "Kenny misses you a lot."

"Why is he so mad? He doesn't have to be."

"Well, he thinks the way you're acting has something to do with it."

Stan joined in, "He says that if you don't change then you'll be in foster care forever."

"That's not true! He doesn't understand what's going on, my mom left me! She doesn't care, all she does is come home tired all the time from screwing around."

Mello grabbed the phone, "Alright, Cartman. Give me the phone."

"No, Mella! I'm not finished!"

Mello grabbed it away as Cartman sat down and pushed Mello away as he sat in his bed. He glared at Mello as he put some chicken pot pie in front of Cartman. He couldn't wait to eat his chicken pot pie but then he stopped. Kenny came into his head, he didn't think Kenny would be upset about the whole situation.

Cartman looked at Matt who kept playing video games as he shouted at him, "Matt! Go get me some juice, I'm not walking to the fridge!"

"But I have to beat this level!" Matt frantically pushed his A button and B buttons to fight the boss, "I'm fighting Ganon and I'm about to lose!

"Damn it, you and you're stupid video games. Why can't I play?!"

Matt paused the game and gave the hell child a long glare, "You BROKE a PSP before, I don't trust you after that incident."

Cartman began to whine as he got up and saw Mello's gun on the table. He laughed as he went toward the gun and clicked it, he pointed it at Matt as Matt got out his own gun. Cartman thought it wasn't loaded so he playfully taunted Matt with the gun as he ran around.

Matt knew it was loaded and tried to get the gun away.

"Cartman! I sure as hell don't want to have an accident, Mello needs me in the "Kira case!" You'll have double the punishment if something goes wrong."

"So, it's not loaded. Mello said he ran out of bullets."

"He didn't say that, he was reloading last time I saw him."

"So, it's not a big deal if there's an accident."

Matt couldn't believe what this kid was saying. He dropped his gun as he went for Mello's gun, Cartman kept it away from Matt as they began pulling on it and the next move Cartman made would have his punishment in knots.

He pulled the trigger by accident and a bullet went right through Matt's arm.

Matt screamed as he held his arm and grabbed Cartman.

"Fuck!! Look what you did you nasty kid!"

"It's your fault, you should've left me alone, Matt! I'm telling Mello!"

Mello ran downstairs with the rest of his gang as he saw Cartman, "Oh my god, Cartman! What the hell is your problem?! You fatbutt, you shot Matt!"

"Well, it was his fault! He pointed a gun at me!"

"Listen, Cartman!" Mello grabbed his red jacket and dangled him in the air, "I thought I was clear about MY gun!!"

"Damn kid doesn't listen!" yelled Matt, "You must be deaf, we give you everything and more!"

"Well, looks like we're not going to Florida." Mello picked up the phone, "I'm calling the agent so we cancel the cruise."

"NOOOOOOO! Damn it, No!" Cartman began to cry and kick Mello, "Hella uncool! I've never been on a cruise and I really want go! You're so unfair, Mella!"

"Cartman, I said it once: "You're in **_my house_** now, everybody _**follows the rules.**_"

Cartman couldn't believe this, Mello was tough. He didn't think he was at first but the punishments he could hand out were tough and Cartman had a hard time working around them. Cartman looked at Matt as guilt started to sink in.

He started to feel bad that Matt was shot, he was his father. Cartman ran up to Matt and hugged him as tight as he could, "I'm sorry, Matt. I made a terrible mistake. You could've died."

Matt didn't want to believe it until Cartman cried actual tears, "...Hey buddy, it's okay...Be more careful next time, alright?"

Cartman started to breakdown, "No it's not! I don't have a father! Out of all my friends, I'm the one without one!"

Mello's attitude changed, "Cartman, Matt and I grew up in an orphanage. I don't have a father or I don't know if I did."

"Yeah, so you aren't the only one." Matt smiled, "I don't have one."

Cartman looked at Mello as he hugged Mello, "I'm sorry, Mella. Can we still go on the cruise? Please, I promise I'll never touch your gun again."

Mello growled, he wanted to give Cartman the ultimate punishment but he decided to be easy, "Ok, I won't cancel the cruise but we have conditions to go over."

Cartman sniffled and nodded, "Alright, I want to help fight Kira. I want to kick his ass!"

"That's a little big, he can kill anyone you know." Mello laughed, "I'll see what I can do for you, alright?

Cartman watched as Matt was put into the limo to be taken to the hospital to treat his gunshot wound. Cartman looked over at Mello as he smiled, things were starting to work out better than expected. As long as he did his part he would be fine but how long could Cartman last with all the stress of the Kira case and the depression of Kenny?

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**That's Chapter 2, Please R&R.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3- "My turn, your turn"**

A month later, Cartman only got worse. He became bossier, meaner, and out of control with Mello but with Matt he was cool, relaxed, and disrespectful. Which made no sense to Matt but he didn't care he just tried to please the kid anyway possible which lead to Mello and Matt's first falling out as friends, Mello was heated and he wasn't going let one bad kid ruin him.

Mello took Matt into his office and slammed the door, "Alright, Matt. Things aren't looking too good with Cartman, why the hell do u give into his demands?!

Matt glared, "God, boss. You're really not seeing it with me, the kid goes and takes your gun and I get shot a second time..."

Mello jumped from his seat, "That little brat did what?! After I told him--"

Matt stopped Mello, "Mello, no matter what, he breaks the rules again."

A loud scream could be heard from everywhere as Cartman screamed, "MELLO!! You made the wrong ice cream again!! Damn it, u never do it right! I hate u!

Mello yelled from his office, "Just eat the damn ice cream! I didn't go to Fluper Duper's just to please you!

Matt paused, "Cartman hates Fluper Duper's, he only eats the kids meals not the ice creams. Mello I thought you knew Cartman by now."

Mello growled, "Well, he changes his damn mind so often!"

Matt paused. Mello was right and wrong, Matt wanted to say he was but he knew better than to overheat Mello when he was pissed. Matt took up a picture of Cartman and showed it to Mello, it was picture of the three of them on the cruise happy as ever. Matt wanted it to be like that but how could they with Cartman growing worse ever second of the day.

Matt and Mello looked at it together, were they really hoping to last another 4 months like this? Or were they going to try and put aside Cartman's bad behavior and fix him so he wouldn't have to go back to foster care? It was their decision and they had to stick with it.

Matt looked at Mello, "Mello, we can't send him back to foster care. He'll tear them apart."

Mello looked at his gun as he put down, "...Matt, Cartman is a problem child...We're his fathers' we need to start going to where the root of the problem is."

Matt took out a cigarette and began to smoke, "Well, with us balacing the Kira case and a child, it can get pretty stressful."

Mello sighed, "I'm not giving up yet but...Matt, Cartman is really out of control."

Cartman banged on the door of Mello's office as they both sighed in frustration. Cartman had also changed into a more meaner, needier and whiner child. He wouldn't stop until he got what he wanted, and this time it was almost his birthday and knowing Mello had a fortune he wanted it done up expensive works.

Cartman got through the door as he jumped straight into Mello's lap, "Hey, Mella! My birthday's coming up and I want u to have it at "Play-o-Carnival Masion!"

Mello eye's went out of his head, "Do you know how much it costs to have there? With birthday party costs + Everything else?!"

Cartman scoffed, "You're loaded, it's no problem. God, Mella I thought u lived on the edge."

Mello glared, "It's too much money and I don't think u deserve it."

Cartman glared, "Damn u! You always say that, what have I done?"

Mello sighed, "Matt got shot again, You ran up our phone bill, you went to the carnival and were lost for 3 days, you framed Matt, you..."

Cartman grabbed Mello's shirt, "Fuck u! I don't mess up that bad, you badly put together trans!"

Mello grabbed Cartman, "Donut lard, you have messed up and you need punishment for it! You don't deserve to have your party at the mansion."

Cartman hit Mello again and cursed, "I WANT MY PARTY AT THE PLAY-O-MANSION!! Damn it! I want my friends there too!

Matt grabbed Cartman and got some rope as he tied Cartman to a chair, Mello was impressed. "Now, you listen to Mello. No is NO, brat! Learn it."

Cartman cried, "You hobo, I hate u! Why are u sticking up for Mella?! Huh?!

Matt got a bowl of donuts and plate of chicken pot pie, "Well, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this but there is no choice, now is there?" Matt puffed on his cigarette, "Now, will you behave for me and Mello or will I have to take things away?"

Cartman struggled against the rope, "Please, Matt. I'm sorray, I'm sorray!"

Mello undid the rope as Matt stood back and let Cartman devour the plate, "...Kid, I don't know why I'm giving you another chance because you've screwed up.

Matt growled, "He's still a ruiner in my book, Mello don't give him the party until he's ready.

Cartman whined, "That's NOT fair! That's two months away! Goddamn it!"

Mello glared at Cartman, "Those are **_my rules _**so you're sticking to them!

Cartman whined more and left the room crying, Mello and Matt shook their heads. What were they going to do? Cartman always cried or whined, they were wondering what happened to Cartman when he went on and on about his father? Mello went back in the room with Cartman who was sitting on his bed.

He was looking at a picture of his mom, "Mella, why do you think my mom does the things she does? Kenny called me and said that she's still not back."

Mello put his arm around Cartman, "...I wish I could tell you, Cartman. Man, she went out on you, huh? You feel lonely, right?

Tears appeared in Cartman's eyes, "Y-Yeah...I really don't have a dad to guide me or play with me. It's always been my mom."

Mello sighed, "Well, if you want your birthday at the mansion you have to work for it."

Cartman whined, "I hate working for stuff, I like having it my way!"

"Not in this case, look at how much things you've done wrong, Cartman." Mello sighed, as he watched his gang move around, "We're in debt twice cause of you."

Cartman stopped as he looked at Mello who was frustrated. He just didn't know how to communicate to a child, he wasn't one long and had to grow up faster than Near did. He ran away at fourteen and had grow up even faster before he was eighteen. He was in a gang early and had to deal with it.

Mello sighed, "Cartman, I try to communicate with you. Me and Matt both do."

Cartman sighed, "Well for one, No more freaking Fluper Dupers! I hate their ice cream!

Mello sighed, "Besides the stupid Fluper Duper thing, I had to grow up way earlier than u did. I really did."

Cartman stopped, "What? U didn't have a normal childhood? I thought--"

Mello sighed, "...I ran away at 14, I didn't have my parents, u know..."

Cartman sat down and threw out his donut, he didn't feel right. He was feeling guilt as it was with both parents. He caused hell but he wasn't sure that Mello would put up with it much longer but Matt was starting to be as tough as he was when dealing with Cartman probably because he was sick of being shot on accident a lot of time with Cartman.

Matt looked at Cartman, "You know Cartman, Mello is just stressed, he does a lot for you man. You need to accept that."

Cartman looked at Matt, "Matt, Can I meet L? I want to meet him, I really do..."

Matt and Mello froze, _'L?! Him see L?!'_

Mello froze, "Um...Cartman, are u sure u want to see L?"

Cartman growled, "Why the hell can't I not see him? Both of you go on about him, I want to see this guy..."

Matt smoked another cigarette and laughed, "L? You want to see L? Um...L doesn't do things normally like Mello and I do..."

Mello stared at Cartman, "L...is well, he's not like us in most ways..."

Cartman crossed his hands, "So he's another weirdo like you two? I hope he's not too weird..."

Matt snickered at Mello who had bad thoughts, _'Great, he's going to make fun of L right when he steps in the door.'_

Cartman laughed, "I can't wait to meet L...Wonder what he looks like?"

Matt laughed, "Wait until you see him."

Mello put his hand over his forhead. Knowing how L sat and how he handled objects, Cartman would pick up on it quickly and make fun of L but it wouldn't bother L. Mello still thought it was a bad idea but what was the worse Cartman could do for L? Mello shrugged and just sat back down setting up the equipment for tracking Kira.

Matt looked at Mello, "Boss, it's your turn to take Cartman to the park now."

Mello glared at Matt, "I did it, 3 flipping times last week and the week before. Matt do your part!"

Matt sighed, "...I hate going to the park...Damn it, I'll do it next week!"

"I did it already! Your turn!"

"No, your turn!

"No, it's your turn, Matt! Don't make me get upset!"

"I'm NOT doing it, boss!"

Cartman sat down with a cookie as he watch his fathers' fight. He was just loving his new home. Things couldn't be better.

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**_That's chapter 3, Please R&R._**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4- "Werido L"**

Cartman ran back and forth between the window and his room. He was looking for L. He had be antsy all week just wanting to meet him but both Matt and Mello were in so much fear. L was not like them in anyway and Cartman would pick up on it and make fun of him right away, L wouldn't take it as bad though. He never took name calling bad, he always followed up with something else and that would shock Cartman.

Cartman ran to Mello, "Where is he?!?! He was supposed to be here freaking five minutes ago!"

Mello growled slowly, "Relax. He'll be here."

Cartman became frustrated, "Man, I thought for someone as smart as him. Timing was everything!"

Mello pulled Matt aside. They went into Mello's office to talk about how to deal with the next situation that would play out. Matt puffed a cigarette and listened to Mello who was nervous as hell to have L come and visit him. Matt just stood around and began playing a game of Tetris to ease his nerves. Mello grabbed the game from him as Matt glared.

"What the hell, boss?" Matt spat out, "I know this is nerve racking for us all but..."

A car engine carefully stopped in the middle of the parking lot. Matt and Mello's eyes both bugged out of their heads. L was here. Cartman began jumping for joy and ran up to the front door and waited. Mello, Matt, and Cartman began fighting over who gets to open the door first and it ended up being a brawl as they began wrestling one another until the door open so quietly and slowly, L's shadow casted an eerie glow across all of them.

Cartman got up and looked at L, "...Um, excuse may? Are you L?"

L looked at Cartman, "If you mean me, then yes. I'm L."

Cartman watched L slowly as he sat in a chair in "his" position. Cartman busted out in laughs as he pointed at L. Mello and Matt were so embarrassed as Cartman got closer to L and sat on his lap causing L to fall out of his chair and send the chair flying across the room. Cartman got up and grabbed onto L.

"Man, you're such a fucking weirdo..." Cartman couldn't stop laughing, "Hey, L. My name is Cartman."

L smirked a little, "What a cute kid and quiet fat to be blunt."

Cartman growled, "Who the hell are you calling FAT?!?! You rail looking...Panda eyed....Werido!!!"

L busted out in laughs, he rarely did that, "...He seemed to have quiet the pet peeve about his weight. I never seen such a vicious child."

Cartman got in front of L, "So, this is the high and mighty L? This is what I say to him." Cartman mooned L as Mello and Matt restrained him, "What the hell?!?! I was showing him my authoritah!"

Mello looked at L, "Why the hell did you insult him about his weight?!?! I told you not to!"

L sighed, "Well, he was rude to me first. Serves the little devil right."

Cartman began running around as Matt and Mello chased after him. L made himself at home as he brought a bunch of Gummy Lifesavers and began eating. Cartman saw them and began playing tug of war with Cartman to get it back. The two fought for awhile until L gave in. He didn't show that he was annoyed but it he was getting close to it. L watched as Cartman devoured every bit of Lifesavers left and left none for L, what a loss it was. The very sweets L carried and they were no more, L was more upset he didn't bring any backups with him incase he was to run out.

Mello brought in a cake as L and Cartman eyed it. This wasn't a good idea. L LOVED cake and there was no reason for him not to have a second chance. Cartman dove for the cake, knife and fork in hand. He didn't make it. L dismounted into kick that knocked Cartman over as L grabbed the cake and sat down and enjoyed victory. Cartman wailed and jumped on L for him to hand over the cake but L refused and just kept eating to annoy Cartman who was ready to kill in him in less than five seconds.

"What a cheater!" yelled Cartman, "You did some kind of karate to make sure I failed!"

"Oh, that?" L's eyes widened, "That is, Brazilian Jujitsu....I am very good at it...Oops, forgot to warn you."

Cartman's face turned a extreme red, "You cheater! DO OVER! DO OVER! DO OVER! DO OVER!"

Mello grabbed Cartman, "Enough, you sit it in time out! I can't believe you would act like this in front of a guest!"

Cartman retaliated, "I can do whateva I want! I don't need your shit!"

L gasped, "What a mouth. Is this how you got him? I'm sure the adoption agency couldn't deal up with this for long."

Mello growled under his breath, "It's been hard since day one, L! You take him for two weeks, you'll want to pull your hair out by day three!"

L surprising laughed, he found it funny that his friends were having issues with a child. It reminded him of the orphanage and of a particular child called "Clary" Clarence. He was even worse than Mello to come thought the orphanage doors of Whammy's. He acted just like Cartman. He played tricks on every child, pulled girls' hair, cut hair, escaped numerous times, and once gave everyone food poisoning at Thanksgiving dinner. He was one hell of a character and L just laughed harder thinking about Clarence's terrible ways. It made Cartman an angel compared to Clarence.

Matt smoked a cigarette, "God, parenting is stressful...I hope I don't get any girls pregnant anytime soon. It almost happened you know."

Mello glared, "What do you mean almost? Matt there is no almost, either you're belly is out to here or not!"

Matt stared at Mello, "Well, you too could've had your almosts....Don't think I don't know boss."

Cartman gasped, "Oh no! You two almost got pregnant?!?! Oh my god, L they almost had a baby!"

L snickered, "Cartman...There is no way boys like ourselves have babies...Girls get pregnant, they have you know.....Well.....I just don't want to say it out loud."

Cartman glared, "Vagina! It's a vagina, L! God, what are you afraid to say that?!?!? God, you're so stupid!"

L sighed, Fine. Vagina...Happy? I said it. You can back off now."

Cartman laughed, "L said it! L said it! L said it!"

L rolled his eyes, "I don't see what is so funny about it. I only feel sorry women have so much to worry about."

Cartman growled, "You are so soft! Women are lame, all they do is get pregnant, have sex, and do it all over again! That's their job!"

L was ready to argue, "Dead wrong, Cartman. Women are tough....I fought one in Jujitsu once and lost. I don't want to hear that again."

Cartman laughed so much that L just ignored him. He turned to Matt and Mello as they discussed the Kira case in the open. Mello and Matt began explaining that there had been change of plans of Kira and he was now killing off people in a certain area and it caused alarm.

Cartman butted in, "Ok, this Kira guy is lame. He kills people with notebooks?!?! Why doesn't he kill the right way?!?!

Mello sighed, "We aren't explaning this to you...Butt out!"

Cartman growled, "Mello, is it your time of the month now? You've been so grouchy and horny!"

Mello grabbed Cartman by the collar, "Look, Cartman....You know I'm a guy, the joke is getting old. Now, I'm going to let go and just go sit down until we're done."

Cartman didn't obey orders, "Mella! Mella! MELLA! DOUBLE FAULT!"

Mello picked Cartman up, got some milk and cookies, and locked him in his room. No noise was heard after that as Mello came to sit down and relax. He looked at L who didn't move. He just finished his cake and watched as Mello and Matt fall against each other on the sofa, they were tired out. Cartman was such a handle full and too much at times. L could see that Cartman's behavior took a toll on both of his friends as he ate more cake and thought some more. He took his focus off of Kira and onto Cartman. He was fascinated with Cartman's words and how he could trick anyone to getting what he wanted all the time. L watched Matt as he dropped his Gamboy Advance, Matt was too tired to finish the last level of Super Mario Bros 3.

L talked with his mouth full, "Have you all considered family therapy? You all are a fine mess."

Mello glared, "No amount of therapy is going to fix that kid. He's worse than me when I was little!"

Matt replied, "It would take a friggin miracle for therapy to work. L, think straight!"

L only snickered, "What were you all thinking you could handle a dysfunctional kid like Cartman? It's like raising two kids in one."

Mello looked up, "I promised myself that I would see it through. I don't want to give up now, L. I know Matt and I can pull it off."

L thought ahead, "I remember Matt telling me that the kid had no father. Is that right? Cartman could be lonely due to that."

Mello's eyes widened, "So, you are telling me he does all the bad things he does for extra attention from me and Matt? The kid is crazy, why would he need more? He has all the love in the world. We give him every damn thing!"

L got up to look out the window, "You know. It must not be easy with a mom who is constantly out "showing her goods" instead of being home. Cartman is very lonely."

Matt sighed, "Ok, Dr.L. Let me ask you something, If he is then why isn't anything we do working? It should be!"

L's black eyes peered into the room, "Go on vacation, do the things Cartman likes to do, get out more often than being home all the time. Show Cartman he is ok."

Mello growled, "You think we can do it just like that?!?! L, I can't be using the Mafia money! I spent it on Cartman's birthday!"

L smiled, "Then do it when you have enough. Cartman needs to go out and see the world."

Matt agreed, "Man, he is right. Cartman needs to be out more than being stuck in the house all the time."

The door busted open as Cartman ran downstairs with a big airplane and began crashing it into L. L remained motionless as his eyes watched Cartman continue to crash the airplane. Cartman then jumped into L's lap causing L to once again hit the floor with Cartman.

Cartman began laughing, "L is so funny! He's so weird and shit!"

Mello sighed, "He's still infected with Sailor mouth. I guess it's the mobsters."

L grinned a little, "Cartman is awful but I like him. I just wish he wasn't so tubby."

Cartman glared, "HEY! Don't call me fat, panda! You're the one that needs to be fat and ugly!!!"

L laughed. Mello and Matt looked at eachother. They were worried that Cartman was having a weird influence on everyone in the group. They really didn't need Near involved because if he was here. Cartman would be the bully and Near would be the kid crying home but Mello needed more advice and Near could help since he didn't grow up at all himself.

Mello looked at Cartman, "Near is coming next week!" Mello grinned evilly, "I'm sure you'll love him."

Matt gasped. His cigarette fell out, "Oh god, boss! Near?!?! Cartman will make a mess of it for sure!"

Mello grinned more evily, "Payback is sweet Matt. Payback is sweet."

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**That's Chapter 4. Please R&R.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors Note: Sorry for the long wait. Trust me Senior year of highschool is tough espcially with my personal issues and me applying to colleges and trying to keep my grades up. It just sucks sometimes.^^ I've just been so busy. I update when I have time or if I have any at all.^^**

**Anyways, nothing has changed. Cartman's still with Mello and Matt.**

**Enjoy the story!^^**

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**Chapter 5- "Toys And One Hell Of A Smakdown."**

Cartman looked straight at Mello and munched on Chessy Poofs. Cartman couldn't believe That Matt and Mello would go to the next level and bring in another person to deal with him. By the looks of it, Cartman was on a roll and there was no stopping him unless Near had other plans to make sure Cartman was buttered roll ready to be served. Mello decided to sit around and wait until Near arrived. He played dominoes with Matt as Cartman began watching tv, Mello got mad instantly because Cartman turned it up way too loud.

"Turn it down you runt!" yelled Mello. "All we need is our neighbors complaning and getting the police involved."

Cartman did as he was told but not without acting up. "So, what's Near like? What a stupid name you all have such stupid names!"

Mello hit the table as the dominoes flung themselves off. Cartman knew he struck a bad nerve because he never saw Mello _this _mad before. Mello got up to corner Cartman as Cartman backed up and got himself trapped. This was about to turn ugly quickly. Cartman just looked in awe over the anger of his father. Matt just stood there knowing Mello was about to go haywire with anger. Matt braced himself for the worst.

"Listen kid..." Mello said surpringsly calm, "Those aren't are real names, ok? We have to be under aliases because of Kira. All he needs is a name and he can kill at anytime. If he learns them then guess what? Your daddies die.'

Cartman stepped back a little to show he was shocked but he covered his emotions. "That's still stupid. How did Kira get all this power? Can we trade or something because I have people I want to see be taken out."

Mello sighed, "I guess you're telling me, you don't care if Matt and I live or not. We're the ones who put up with your terrible butt from the start."

Cartman blocked his true emotion. "I-I didn't say that....I-I just didn't know it could happen just like that! Stop making me feel sorray!"

Matt looked at Cartman, "Boss....I think Cartman is afraid to lose us. Look at his eyes, you can tell he would be devestated the day we keel over."

Cartman growled, "Stop it! It could happen to both of you! You'll curse yourselves! STOP IT! Goddamn it, stop it!"

Mello got straight in Cartman's face, "Stop acting like a spoiled runt then! Matt and I are on this case and so is everyone else. We could all die and it's back to the orphange for you where you'll have nothing!"

Cartman felt tears come one but he glared. "Stop make me feel sorray and guilty! I still love you guys, seriously stop with this."

Mello said no more, picked up his dominoes, and started all over with Matt. Cartman just sat there feeling so guilty and not knowing that they could all die any minute because of Kira. Cartman just didn't know what was at stake for everyone and he needed to apperciate what he had. He had the hardest time doing it since he had no father in his life and his mom was out doing things she liked to do. Cartman's old feelings of wanting and attention returned. He wanted Mello and Matt to pay attention and take him places again. Cartman had lost that prilevge due the incident with the broken glasses of pickles and stealing from the store. Mello didn't feel the need to take Cartman back out in public again, so he didn't.

Mello spoke again. "Thinking twice about what you did, huh? Cartman I always say it. Matt and I had no one in our lives too."

Cartman began crying all of sudden. "Goddamn it! I want to go out with you guys again, I want to go on vacation, I want you guys to be happy and not miserable, please? PLEASE? I'm sorray!!!!"

Mello sighed a very long sigh. Something Matt hadn't seen in so long. "Listen brat....You think Matt and I like carrying on like hot blooded animals? No. We just want you to behave. The reason we stopped is because you caused too much trouble in public."

Matt sighed. "You know for a horrible kid, you aren't too bad, Cartman. I actually like having you around..."

Cartman stopped sniffliing. "You mean you don't hate me. You still want me?"

Matt and Mello answered. "Yeah."

Cartman smiled. "Can I still act up on Near? Can I? Can I? Can I? Please Mella, you said you wanted to see him suffer."

Mello smirked, "You know what? Ok. I want you to be on your worst behavior. I want to see Near get a little dose of revenge. Honestly I do."

Matt laughed. "Boss you're terrible."

X X X

A few hours later into the evening, a knock was heard as Cartman ran to the door. Cartman opened the door to see a white haired, gray eyed, boy standing infront of the door. Cartman looked oddly at Near as Near brought in huge chest of toys and documents to go over the Kira case. Cartman sat down, he was ready to raise hell and Near wouldn't really expect it because Near thought Mello and Matt were doing everything wrong already. Clearly that wasn't the case at all and Cartman would teach Near a thing or two about revenge. Cartman sat down as Near made his way onto the floor and got out a train. Cartman immeditely saw a chance to attack and waited a little long to strike.

Near looked at Cartman and then back at Mello and Matt. "Honestly, I couldn't even believe it...You two take care of a child?"

Mello smirked angerily, "Well, you take him for a couple months. I know I'll be visiting your burial sight then."

Near acted blunt to the response, "I wouldn't take him. How could I raise a child if I'm still one? Anyways, I thought this was going to be about Kira..."

Mello interuppted, "You know, let's let this be about Cartman. Kira can wait. He hasn't killed anyone in awhile anyway."

Near rolled his eyes, "This isn't about Cartman. We need to talk about Kira."

Mello cockiness began showing out, "You know Near, I was always number two to you but I at least I'm raising a child. You could never do it."

Near ignored Mello and began racing the train all around the house. Cartman began to get ansty, he really wanted to steal the train from Near. He got up and began inching over towards Near as Mello put his feet on the desk in cocky manner.

"Come on, Near. You're so boring, I called you because I wanted you to see my new son." Mello laughed. "Isn't he the greatest, I knew I picked the right one."

Near looked up at Mello, "Being cocky isn't going to get you anywhere. I don't know what's wrong with you."

Mello snickered, "Oh, it's nothing. I'm just having a little fun that's all."

Near turned his back as Cartman dove in and captured Nears train and broke five out of six trains. Near felt so irked that Cartman would do that but he decided to be blunt like always and took out his toy soilders. Near lined them up in rows of eight while Cartman knocked them all down with a bouncy ball causing Near to start over. Near started lowering his eyebrows a little. He was getting very annoyed but tried to be dark and not see through.

"Man, when is going to crack?" Cartman pushed Near on the ground, "I'm Cartman and you must be Mr. Neary-Near!"

"Don't you ever say that again..." Near looked away, "Get him away from me."

Mello laughed, "Like I'm going to do that. He's going torture you and I get to watch. This I have to see!"

Near looked at Mello blankly, "Honestly, we couldn't be best friends if we tried. You're so cruel."

Cartman grabbed Near's underwear and put it over Near's head. Near got up forgetting he couldn't see and slipped on the wet floor and landed headfirst into a bunch of teddy bears. Cartman and Mello fell on the floor laughing as they pointed. When Near could finally see, he blushed a lot. That was the first time anyone saw Near break his code of being blunt. He continued to hide behind the wall and stay out of sight. Mello continued laughing so hard he couldn't breathe, Cartman laughed so much he broke another of Near's toys by mistake.

Mello got up, "I-I-I'm going to the bathtoom. I-I-I'm about to piss myself so bad!"

Near was boiling up but his emotion of feeling embarassed got in the way of his thinking. "Clarence's was so much worse. He liked us to have our panties in a bunch and he meant it. Is he really this bad?"

Matt laughed, "Of course. He was the worst one at the orphange. They were so happy to give him to us that day. I saw them celebrating just after we left!"

Near crawled back out to play with Cartman's ball, "This is so rude. I thought he was better behaved. I was wrong since he lives with bunch of no good thugs."

Cartman grabbed the ball from Near and got a bucket full of balls and poured them down Near's pants. "Now Near has bigger balls than before! He's got the hugest honking dick in town, don't you, Near?"

Near looked at Cartman, "You dirty little...."

Cartman busted out laughing, "Little? Look at yourself, you're nineteen and you're still on formula and cookies! I'm nine and I eat like a big boy!"

Near reacted meanly, "You're a fat fat fat fat obese tiny....."

No one else could hear the rest of what Near said because of Mello's loud and obnoxious laughing. Cartman unfortunately heard it, and it was not a very nice thing Near had said. Cartman looked down and then back up at Near. Yes, Cartman's ding-a-ling was insulted. Cartman coudn't believe Near would stoop that low but Near kept going and Cartman stopped laughing. It was over now, and Cartman realized that Near had pushed it all too far. Cartman looked at Mello who stopped laughing abrubtly. Cartman ran over to Mello screaming and cursing about what Near had done.

"Mella! He insulted my dick! He said it was too small!" Cartman lunged at Near. "You are so getting it, bitch!"

Mello looked at Near. "We're supposed to have manners? Look at your damn self, I'm so glad Cartman acted up on you."

Near almost scoffed but got up, "Honestly Mello, I don't know how you handle such a pig like Cartman."

"PIG?!?!" Cartman jumped on Near's back and refused to let go. "You either stopping being rude or the bear gets it!"

Near looked at soft cuddly teddy bear and decided to stop. With Cartman, you just couldn't win the argument. You just had to let him win just like he always did and let him have his own way. It made Near so mad but he decided to stop insulting the kid and just move on. Mello was getting sick of Near's presence, Mello got what he wanted but he still wanted more revenge. His money had run out though. He gave the last twenty to Cartman so he would act up and cause hell on Near. It was over and Cartman was way too tired to keep up his bad behavior anymore.

Near played with building blocks and looked at Cartman who was gasping. "Tired? I can see that you are tiring out."

Cartman glared, "Shut-up, you stupid baby! I just didn't get enough sleep today, that's why! Yeah, that's why!"

Near sighed and just continued playing with his blocks. "Would you like to play, Cartman? I could use someone to play with."

"Go to hell you damn kid!" cursed Cartman. "Why would I want to when you're being so mean yourself?!?! Just get out! I hate you, Near!"

Near almost smiled. "I thought you'd never ask." Near turned to Mello. "We'll talk about Kira another time. You seem too busy being a father to care about the case anymore. I will continue trying to beat him."

Mello grabbed Near by the collar. "I'm too busy raising a child right now! I try to do both but I don't want Cartman to feel the same lonliness we felt as children! He deserves better!"

Near nodded a little. "It is true."

Matt put out his cigarette. "Near, we try the best we can. Cartman knows this is mafia, ok? He knows we aren't perfect."

Mello also spoke. "Listen, this isn't about who can be a better parent. This is about family. About Cartman's feelings."

Near agreed, he just didn't show it. "I'm sure you'll do what's right for him. The kid sure has a hand for revenge."

Mello and Cartman couldn't believe it. Near saw right through the plan. They looked at each other and back at Near. Near giggled a little bit then packed up his bags. Mello was so pissed that he went to his office and slammed the door. He wouldn't be out for an hour. Cartman looked at Near who just stared at Cartman. Cartman glared and threw a water ballon at Near, Near was all wet.

"Get out of my damn house!" Cartman barked. "I never want to see you again!"

Matt looked at Near. "You heard the boss. Out."

Cartman looked at Matt. "Boss? You really mean it, Matt? You called me boss!"

Matt smiled. "Sure, just keep between me and you. Mello would be pissed if he found out."

Near looked at Cartman. "You're one rotten kid but I do like you."

Cartman lost it. "I cause you pain and suffering all day and that's all you have to say?!?!"

With that, Near walked to his limo and was off into the distance. Cartman felt an odd shaped box under his foot. He took up and opened it up to to see a toy gun inside. The card was adressed to Cartman from Near. Cartman couldn't believe it.

"Me? He left this for me?"

Matt nodded. "I guess he took a liking to you. Near doesn't normally do that."

Cartman looked at the gun. He began to learn that no matter how rotten he was. People still actualled cared for him and his disaturous ways. It made Cartman feel like he was accepted. He ran upstairs to Mello to show Mello what he got but he was shouting, "Daddy".

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**End of Chapter 5. Please R&R.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6- "ACCIDENT!"**

Cartman got up at about eight-thirty. He was going to have blueberry waffles for breakfast with Coolwhip, strawberries, syrup, and chocolate ice-cream. Mello thought it was the must disgusting thing in the world but said nothing to his son. Cartman began getting everything out as he cleared the counter and began toasting the waffles.

"You know, Mello." Cartman began. "The waffles remind me of Kenny, his family eats them a lot since he's poor."

Mello sighed. "Wow, that's rough. I feel sorry for that kid. Which one is he?

Cartman sighed in frustration. "Oh my god, Mello. You better get it right since they're all coming over today! My friends are Stan, Kyle, and Kenny. Don't screw it up!"

Mello went back to the paper. "Who's bright idea was...Oh right, it's your birthday...I'll have to pick them up at the airport...great.."

Cartman opened up the Coolwhip and began singing. "Coolwhip! Coolwhip! Yummy, yummy, Coolwhip! Everyone do the COOOOOLWHIIIPP! Yeah!"

Mello shook his head. "Remind me to cancel your application for American Idol. You would barely make it."

Cartman scoffed. "Everyone knows I could damn make American Idol. I could so rock Lady Gaga's "Pokerface"! Stop doubting me, Mello!"

Mello just laughed as Cartman began singing a different song. Mello was just glad that Cartman changed his mind about having his birthday party at an expensive place. It took Mello all the strength he had to force Cartman to change his mind about the whole thing but it worked. Cartman was just a little bit upset that the moonbounce had to be takened away since it got damaged on the way to the Mafia's hideout. Mello just sighed again and watched Cartman sit at the table with him. Mello watched in horror as Cartman ate his breakfast.

"Cartman. Should I have the ambulance on stand-by for Kenny?" asked Mello. "Man, it must suck to die all the time and have to live for it all over. Damn, he can't die can he?"

"Well, Kenny deals with it fine." Cartman growled. "Why are you so interested in Kenny? He's not that special."

Matt entered the room with his cigarette and began playing a game. Cartman continued with his waffles as Mello turned the page of the newspaper to realize that it was the same boring news he got every week. Mello just threw the paper down and just sat there bored out of his mind until he looked at his watch. He was late to pick up Kenny, Kyle, and Stan from the airport."

"Oh damn, their flight came in an hour ago!" Mello cursed himself out for forgetting. He grabbed his coat."Alright, I'll go get your little friends..."

Cartaman clapped his hands. "Daddy, can you get me McDonald's on the way back? I'm still hungry."

Mello sighed. "Fine, I'll get it. Your friends probably want some too."

Catman clapped his hands. "Matt, can you make sure Monopoly, Uno Attack, and Double Trouble are set up?"

Matt snickered. "You always cheat, Cartman. Don't your friends know that?"

Cartman looked evilly at Matt. "Oh no...I just want to cheat so I can piss Kyle off...."

Matt laughed at Cartman's terrible behavior. He kind of wanted to see him interact with his friends since he thought that Cartman had none due to his behavior. It was always surprising to Matt because Cartman was basically a cynical, mean, bigoted, controlling, bastard. Matt was also excited for company since the workload of Kira got to be very hard to deal with at times. Cartman was glad it was over because he got tired of hearing about who Kira killed, why so many people worship Kira, Kira this, and Kira that. He almost smashed the TV because Kira's program came on. He was just so sick of it.

"Matt, how come Kira has his own show?" asked Cartman. He waited for Matt to reply. "I mean, it's all just corruption."

Matt smoked his cigarette. "Well, he just does...People think he's god which is really messed up."

Cartman agreed. "It is so totally messed up. Kira thinks he's so hella cool with his damn notebook! He should kill the real way, that's cheating!"

Matt cracked up as he played with his PSP. Cartman finished his waffles and looked out the window. Matt put down his PSP and decided to smoke another cigarette again. This time, he caught Cartman trying to destroy Kyle's gift that had arrived today. Kyle promised Cartman's two gifts. Matt grabbed the gift from Cartman.

"Ants In The Pants 2?!?!" Matt read. He looked at the box. "Weren't you telling me you had one of these already?"

Cartman sighed in frustration. "It's just like the first one but it's frigging multipayer now! Goddamn, Jew!"

Matt just laughed. "Man, you hate the kid's guts that bad, Cartman? What did he ever do you to you?"

Cartman nodded. "Matt, if we do get the magician...Can he light Kyle on fire?

Matt shook his head. "No, we can't do that to Kyle. Cartman behave."

Cartman sighed as he waited by the window. He wasn't really sure he wanted to see his friends again but he had no choice. They were already on their way to see him.

X X X

Mello stepped on the breaks as he got out of the car. "Cartman just had to say McDonald's didn't he? It took us a damn hour to get everyone's meals! God, Cartman!"

Stan looked at Mello. "So, you run a mafia? I guess that's....sort of cool....Do you get to whack people?"

Mello smiled. "Yeah, you could say that."

Kyle tensed up as he went nearer to the door. "Um....."

Kenny put his arm around Kyle. "It's ok, Kyle. Nothing bad will happen today."

Kyle looked at Kenny. "Are you sure, Kenny? You'll say that and then you end up dead."

Mello looked directly at Kenny. "Oh, I made sure the ambulance was on stand-by for you, kid."

Kenny just shrugged. "Um....Thanks?"

Mello opened the door. "Cartman, your gang is here! Hurry up, they're waiting!"

Cartman wasn't inside. He was outside of the house on the porch with Matt. Cartman got interested in one of the games and wanted to watch Matt beat it.

Mello growled. "It's just like him to not tell me where he is."

"So, which one is our room?" asked Stan. "It's just for a week or so."

"A week? Cartman told me it was going to just be a few days." Mello bit into some chocolate. "Whatever. I really don't care."

Mello sat on the couch as the rest of the boys followed suit. Mello flipped through channels as Terence and Phillip came on, Mello was about to change it when Stan grabbed the remote. Mello sighed and went to go look for Cartman as he went out the back door to see Mello and Matt bonding over the video game that they were playing. Cartman began cheering Matt on as Matt went to the last level.

Mello smiled a little bit. He was happy the two were bonding but it had to be cut short.

"Cartman, you're friends are all waiting for you. Don't keep them waiting!" Mello replied. "Are you sure Kenny will be ok?"

Cartman growled. "YES! Stop worrying about him so much! What's your problem?!?!"

Mello sighed. "Well excuse me for caring about what happens to him or not! He's here for a week, I better have all emergency numbers in every room!"

"He'll be fine, it's not like he's going to--"

A gun could be heard from the house as Mello and Matt ran back to see Kenny on the ground. Everyone thought Kenny was dead for sure.

"Oh my god, we killed Kenny!" said Stan.

"We're bastards!" replied Kyle.

Kenny suddenly got up. "No, I'm ok! Everything's alright! Nothing's wrong! I'm fine!"

Mello checked Kenny for any injuries. "Are you sure?!?! Man, I walk out one minute and he almost died! What the HELL were the two of you thinking about touching my gun?!?!? You almost killed someone!"

Stan's eyes widened. "W-We're sorry, Mello...I-It won't happen again!"

"Bull to the shit, Stan and Kyle!" Mello yelled. He was really mad now. "I'm putting all the dangerous stuff away!" Mello shifted to Kenny. "You need a safety suit on, Kenny! I won't calm down until it's on."

Kenny looked in disopointment. "It's fucking pink!"

Mello rolled his eyes. "SO?!?! I don't want to have to clean up after your dead ass when you have an accident!"

Kenny glared. "IT'S FUCKING PINK!"

Mello growled. "Like I give a damn what color it is! It was the last one they had!"

Kenny growled and put the safety suit on. "Man, I look like a whore. The thong is making my ass stick out!"

Everyone snickered as Kenny sat down at the table eating his McDonald's. Mello sat down on the couch and finally relaxed as he took one of Kenny's perverted magazines and looked through them. It wasn't long after that Kenny began choking on his McChicken sandwhich. Mello rushed over as he tripped over a chair landing in a bowl of experied milk left out for Matt's cat. He got up and ran to Kenny who was coughing and hacking as he managed to get the food out of his mouth.

"I'm ok! I'm fine! It's alright! I'm not choking anymore!"

Mello slammed the table. "Damn you, Kenny! Everytime you're supposed to die, you just don't! You made me fall in expired milk, damn it!"

Kenny just laughed. "Sorry, Mello."

Mello just sighed. "I need to take a long hot shower....No one disturb me!"

Before Mello could go anywhere, Kenny was trying to plug in his ipod to an outlet. It began to spark. Mello dived after Kenny as they both fell to the ground. Mello looked at Kenny who just smiled and laughed. Mello didn't find this funny, he felt like he had to be Kenny's bodyguard twenty-four seven! Mello couldn't even sit still without worrying if Kenny would hurt himself/kill himself at anytime. Matt began laughing as Mello glared. Again, Mello found this to be annoying as he watched Kenny sit down and watch TV.

"Man, I might as well check in at the nearest mental institution!" yelled Mello. "I'm going to go insane!"

Matt snickered. "Boss...Kenny's looking at our piranha tank! Hope he doesn't fall in!"

Mello dashed after Kenny and duct-taped him to a chair. "There, now we don't have to worry about you."

Kenny began shifting in his chair. "Um....I have to pee..."

Mello's expression changed. "What? What do you have to do?

Kenny crossed his legs. "BATHROOM! I have to fucking pee, Mello!"

Mello sighed as he un-taped Kenny from the chair. Kenny ran straight into the bathroom. Mello felt like he was having a heart attack but he wasn't. He just couldn't keep up with Kenny.

"Like I said, I'll be in that hot shower..." replied Mello. "Remind me to never get a girl pregnant."

* * *

**That's Chapter 6. Please R&R**


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